Its all my hormones' fault..

Perhaps its the evil-doing of my hormones, recently been feeling a little too down for my own good...it was a period whereby "contentment" seems stupid and "patience" seems too far...

I had such intense urge to tender my resignation...just throw the letter and walk out of the company...if only I had won ToTo, the $1.5m draw will do just fine...I was so frustrated that I started to look up for schools and centres offering part time degrees from overseas universities...

I wanted to achieve more...not a traffic girl forever, not a junior traffic girl who have no powers, no authority, no say...I just want some respect...Perhaps, I have been too naive...thinking that I'm so good that everyone will want me...I'm just a nobody with no experience and skills...I'm stupid...

Arghhhh...frustrating week it has been or rather frustrating months...I have to get back to the strong self...the strong dra...not the self-pity dra...Jiayou~!!!

I'm a growing woman...

This morning I put on a pair of jeans that I hasn't been wearing for quite a while. As I struggle to tug it pass my hips I realise this was the pair of jeans that I had to wear a belt with...I had a sudden flashback of the figure 45.5kg on my weighing scale...I'm fat...officially...period.

I know that I have pit on quite abit of weight and I have been in self denial for the past few weeks...telling myself...I will not eat tomorrow...but as the saying goes.."Tomorrow never comes"...

Recently I forced myself not to look into the mirror too frequently and unnecessarily..but my office building management has to decide to plant all the lifts with mirrors...not to mention its all ceiling to floor length mirrors...I have to brace myself each morning for the trauma and humiliation...

I'm glad that the lifts are mostly crowded...sparing myself the need and space to look into the mirrors...